For the last decade or so I’ve wanted to go to Alaska. My dad was stationed there when he was in the Air Force and talked about it all the time. I’d always wanted to see it but it wasn’t that high on my list. That changed when I saw the PBS documentary about Dick Proennke and his life there. I won’t go into the details as I think everyone should go watch it and then read the journals of his time there. They are fascinating.
As I get older I realize how short life really is and how much it passes you by when you’re just doing everyday things like working, dealing with family, etc. I’m working to make conscious decisions to live life more and not let it pass by unnoticed.
I’m looking for trips to Alaska, mostly guided, that I can take. The problem is that I’m not good at planning things for the future. I also get a healthy dose of trip anxiety for pretty much anything travel related. It’s hard to just let it go and “go with the flow”. I want to plan everything out to the minute and I build this impossible scenario in my head that I know full well wherever I’m going can’t live up to so then I’m disappointed and frustrated that I “wasted time” going. I’m hoping that now that I know this about myself maybe it will be easier to drown out those thoughts? The main obstacles I face are saving money and keeping enthusiasm for whatever it is I’m planning for. As I type this I also know that a lot of it boils down to me not feeling like I deserve to go places that would make me happy or excited.
Going forward I want to do things that feel so special that remembering them in the future will make me cry tears of joy. That special. I don’t want to remember going to Starbucks on Saturday mornings as a highlight of my life.