avoidance

I avoid feeling
Because it’s uncomfortable 
And I’m afraid
Because I don’t know how to deal with
Emotions
If I allow them to flood in.
I don’t feel the emotion, 
So I can’t even name it
But I do feel it as a simple, primal command
RUN!
RUN!!
So I do
I pick up this distraction device
And disappear for hours
Brain off,
Scrolling.
Scrolling..
Scrolling…
When I take a look around, hours have passed 
Those hours don't belong to me anymore, they belong to death
I'll never get them back
And yet the simple command repeats
RUN.
So I repeat it
All over again
And again.
And again..
And yet again…
Until I forget again
What I was even, 
Trying to avoid from the beginning of whatever this is