My Journey

Tag: writing

  • Mocking

    Every word of praise from you,Felt mocking. You always asked me why I stopped,Whenever you noticed me trying. That’s Why.

  • avoidance

    I avoid feelingBecause it’s uncomfortable And I’m afraidBecause I don’t know how to deal withEmotionsIf I allow them to flood in.I don’t feel the emotion, So I can’t even name itBut I do feel it as a simple, primal commandRUN!RUN!!So I doI pick up this distraction deviceAnd disappear for hoursBrain off,Scrolling.Scrolling..Scrolling…When I take a look…

  • I watch, but I don’t

    I watch YouTube videos every day and every day I want to create a video and every day I don’t I have multiple ideas, even multiple scripts But I don’t I hate the way I lookI hate the way I soundI don’t have enough timeI’m not creative enoughI’m too oldI’m too dumbPeople that I don’t…

  • Reclaiming My Time

    I’ve been spending too much time doom/rage/mindlessly scrolling on social media. Today I finished The Chaos Machine by Max Fisher and even before I finished it I was cutting back on social media. It’s a well written, meticulously sourced book and left me feeling pretty bad about the amount of time and energy I put…

  • Today

    Today I walked Today I ranToday I laughedToday I interacted with others Today I did those thingsbecause I couldbecause tomorrow, I might not.

  • Overthinking, Over Analyzing

    I continue to be stuck in this loop of thinking about big life decisions, planning out how to implement them, getting discouraged, getting depressed, giving up and then restarting the whole process. I’m afraid. I’m afraid to make the wrong decision or mess up the right decision so I don’t make any decision which is…

  • An Awkward 33 Minutes

    Yesterday I decided to go to one of my favorite places, the bookstore. After walking around for a bit and, of course, finding 2 books to add to my forever growing “To Be Read Pile”, I decided I wanted some sushi. The closest place was Konki and I’d never been there so off I went.…

  • Everyone Has A Story

    Years ago when my dad died, I was flying home for the funeral. It was night time and the view out the airplane window was just dots of light along with the glitter of street lights. I distinctly remember thinking that every house light, car headlight was tied to a person with a story. What…

  • The Noise

    The Noise in my head never stops. Between the tinnitus and the constant thrumming of the “you suck” voices it’s always loud. I always have to have background noise on every where I go. When I’m at home the tv is always on or music is playing and when I’m out the AirPods are always…

  • This blog sucks, and that’s ok

    I’ve struggled with perfectionism my whole life and I’ve written about not doing things I enjoy because I’m holding myself to a standard that I don’t really know and will never be able to achieve. Perfectionism is nothing but ego and arrogance imho. There’s no way anything I ever do will be perfect *especially* if…