On Being Emotional

I’m an emotional guy and I was a very emotional child because I didn’t know how to handle my emotions and the adults around me growing up didn’t always know how to handle me feeling things.

So I turned off my emotions and kept them off for a very long time. This impacted every relationship I was in, negatively.

I’ve worked so hard over the last couple of years to name those feelings, to learn how to deal with them and to talk about them when appropriate.

I don’t have it all figured out and I don’t think I ever will but I’m consistently happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I still have lows but I don’t drown in those lows anymore, and more importantly I don’t welcome them. I acknowledge them, I let myself feel them and I sit with them as long as they need me to sit with them. When I feel a sense of peace I know they’re ok now. I don’t and will never again ignore them or push them away.

I’m also not afraid of being happy. Happiness, when it came in the past, was a warning sign to me. Once I realized I was even a little bit happy I knew sadness and despair were close behind me because how could I deserve happiness?

Opening the “Can of Old Feelings” brought up things for me that I’d forgotten about. It was is terrifying but the peace I feel now even with those feelings is not something I ever want to lose!

My journey to a fulfilling life continues!!