In A Rut

I’m stuck. My creative wheels are spinning and I’m not making any progress. I made my first “real” Youtube video almost 2 months ago and while I have ideas for more I haven’t taken any action to turn them into a reality.

Every day that passes I beat myself for not taking even a single small step towards creating. That in and of itself is a problem, I’m aware. My fear of filming myself in public is at an all time high even though I know nobody cares.

Seemingly the only bright side is that I’ve really found a niche at work that allows me to be creative with code. That hasn’t scratched the creative itch fully but it has made things more bearable. When I start beating myself up I go write code and it subsides, somewhat.

Next week is Thanksgiving and I’m still not super excited about holidays after mom’s death but instead of just shutting the world out like I did last year I want to go out into the world and create something for me. One of these video ideas that I have written down, storyboarded and scripted dialogue for.

I don’t care if it’s bad or if anyone actually sees it. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. 🤷‍♂️