New year, Same Me??

The grind begins again. Another year where I say that I will make changes, but will this be another year, like all the past ones, that I don’t? I hope not.

This will be the second year since Mom died, and I still feel as rudderless as I did in the months after she died. Her schedule was my schedule for so many years that it’s been extremely difficult to find my own way. I work, I come home, I walk the dog, I eat, and I go to bed. There are sparks in me to pack the camper and go somewhere, but before I even leave, I feel guilty for wanting to go. Most of the time, I go, but sometimes the feelings are just overwhelming, and I don’t go, which makes me feel even worse.

Therapy has helped tremendously, but it’s also made me more aware of my own feelings, and some days I’m not sure if I should be. That old saying “ignorance is bliss” has been at the front of my thoughts for the last several months. I will absolutely continue with therapy as the benefits outweigh anything else, but being so aware of myself is not the panacea I thought it would be.

Welcome to 2025, I guess. 🤷‍♂️