Mother’s Day

This will be the 2nd Mother’s Day since mom died. She wasn’t the biggest fan of the holiday, or so she said, but the few times I forgot I could tell it affected her. From then on I did my best to at least get her a card and/or a plant even when I wasn’t feeling well mentally.

Last year I ignored every major holiday and just withdrew from everything and everyone. I’m not doing that this year. Her death still feels fresh but I also noticed that time has dulled the edge of it.

There is **a lot** of amazing things happening in my life right now. In fact, life in general has been the best it’s ever been, but part of me afraid to feel the thoughts and feelings that were the last several years, like it will somehow cause the good things now to go away. Logically I know that won’t happen and I have someone that I can talk to when those feelings get overwhelming and who I’ve already talked to about them, just in case. For the meaningful life I want I have to take the bad, scary and painful with the happy, amazingly joyful and peaceful. I lived with the bad, scary and painful so long they felt normal. I don’t want them to feel normal ever again.

I’m going to think about mom this Mother’s Day and I may even will buy a plant in her memory.